If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
