is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
