i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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