be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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