Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
