This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
