My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
