my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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