I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
