I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
