Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
