I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
