have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize