My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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