I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
