Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
