Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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