it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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