i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
