My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
