i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
