I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
