I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
