Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
