1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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