New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
