The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
