My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
