When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize