He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
