Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
