her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
