is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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