i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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