I wish I only lived at night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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