no, he came in my armpit
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
