Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
