Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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