I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I wish i was in the wii world.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize