margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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