are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize