just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
