i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
