those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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