well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
