he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
