Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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