apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So much rum. So many feels.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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