goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
