And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
