he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
