She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
