so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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