Porn is love you can see.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
