So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
