All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
