If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
A+ Viking dick
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
