So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
