Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
