Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
