just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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