Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
