Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
only you would photoshop your dick
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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