Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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