If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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