last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
