I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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