No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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