Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
