Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
